For those of you who are in my shoes will know what I'm talking about. I often wonder how long does it take to go through the grieving process? Well I found the answer....Everyone one is different and there is no time frame to stop grieving. Because you lost a loved on doesn't mean you have say 6 months to get over it.
Allot of times people forget that you go home everyday and have to face the fact that you child is never coming home. Or that you will never be able to hold them, kiss them and tell them goodnight. Those people who forget about your status are usually those who have never been in your shoes.
I sat in on a grievance group one time and a lady speaker got up to explain to us the grieving she went through. She was a successful woman and worked long hours and allot of weekends to make sure that her family had the best of everything. One day she was running late to a school function as usual. In her mind because she missed so many of them a part of her thought "well my family always knows I'm busy with work they will understand" another part of her wanted to be there because she has broken so many promises. Needless to say she never made it to the school play that her Twins were in and once again her husband had to explain that mommy is really busy.
So she ended up going straight home knowing that she wouldn't make it. As the clocked moved forward she thought for minute that maybe her husband must have taken the kids to get some ice cream after the play. 45 min. later there was a knock on her door and a man she had never seen before telling her that there was a bad accident and that her husband and kids didn't make it.
Her life stopped in its tracks that night and she knew it would never be the same. about a month After the funeral of her husband and her 2 kids she started back to work. She was looking for a new normal and knew she had to move on. After all allot of her friends, family and co-workers we over it so why shouldn't she. She kept things to her self and started resenting those around her for not asking her how she is doing. All the while she returned her her home to find it empty once again and crying herself to sleep.
About 5 years after the death of her Husband and her children she finally snapped one day. She said she walked into work as she normally does. Got her coffee, went to her office, sat down in her chair and starred at the picture on her desk of her and her family. Moments later her boss walked in with an attitude about some paperwork that didn't get signed. She looked and him and started yelling.....'Is that all your worried about...what about me...what about asking me how I'm doing, how am I holding up....Why doesn't anyone ask me how I'm doing!!" He replied with ..." well you seemed to be ok so why ask".
To make a long story short she ended up in a mental institution for several years followed by several more years of counseling. She lost her job, her home and what family she had left because she had so much hate for them not taking the time to check up on her. All the while she realized that she was putting on a front and so If she was telling everyone she was ok then they thought she was.
This woman now after many many years of heartbreak and hell has picked herself back up and talks about her feelings and doesn't put on a front anymore. If she hurts and is having a "bad day" then she says so. She is no longer afraid to cry. It doesn't mean she is week it just means that she is human and has feelings.
The moral of her story was that grieving over a loved one never really ends, but hiding behind a broken heart will make you crazy.