3 Years ago today I watched my son take his last breath. Since then my life has never been the same. This day will always remind me of that day for as long as I live. Telling my son I love him and saying good bye was not what a mother is suppose to do, but that is what happened on this Dec. 29, 2009.
The last 3 years have been very hard for me, my kids and our family. I have been running from my sons death all this time. Hoping I will wake up and it will all be a bad dream, but every day I wake and he is still not here. I've kept myself busy....so busy at times I forget what I'm suppose to do next.
I've recently stopped running and have asked God to please help me get through this as I need his strength every day to help me keep going.
I know I'm not the only mother in the world who has lost a child but it does feel like i'm the the only one at times. Holidays are rough for me as I'm sure it is rough for the rest of the families I dea
l with on a day to day basis. My son has asked me to continue to help families just like us. I have to admit it is very hard at times because you know what they are about to go through and you wish you could take that pain away. I find myself at a loss for words at times when a mother calls me to tell me her child has passed. I to don't really know what to say except....I'm sorry.
I know it has been 3 years, but it seams just like yesterday that I was holding my sons hand telling him we will be OK. I remember him telling me it was time for him to go and he didn't want me to be sad. How in the hell do you tell your own child it's ok for him to go.....how to do get up each day after that? I really don't know how I do it. I just do it. It's hard....so hard it hurts. But each day I put a smile on my face and most of you wouldn't even know I woke up this morning crying my eyes out...missing my son. Most of you wouldn't know that I only sleep a few hours a day because I'm afraid of that reoccurring dream of my sons last day.
They say times heals all....Im here to tell you time is just time and it doesn't heal. Time is just a clock on the wall that tells you what everyone else is doing. Time tells you when to get up, go to bed and when to eat. Time is never ending for a mother missing her son.
I miss you each and every day Sherod. I love you
Love always and forever your mom