Today is a much needed emotional day. I miss you son and I hold my feelings in for so long that it seems my sides will split with sorrow. I know I shouldn't hold it in, but I just don't like to share my feelings with everyone and I never really seam to have that alone time needed. You've been gone for over 4 years and I still haven't watch a single memory movie we started making during your first round of chemo. I'm afraid of the pain and hurt I will feel seeing you and hearing your voice only on the tv but not in real life. Silly I know but a big part of me is not ready to admit you are never coming back home.
I look for clues and signs that you have been around... it's the only thing that really gets me through the day along with my faith in God. Do you know I still have that storage unit. I pay 80$ a month because I'm not ready to deal with your loss. I've been paying on that for almost 5 years now. I know to some it may not make sence, but to those who walk this same road I know will understand all to well. The thought of cleaning out your stuff cuts me deap and in the heart. What am I suppose to do with your stuff? I just don't think I can bring myself to throw your stuff away or give it away. I really just don't know what to do.
I think about you every day son and I can't wait to go to sleep at times in hopes I will see you in my dreams. I miss everything about you. Your smell, your smile, your voice and I miss you calling my name.
Loosing you was not only life changing but forever changing.